We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
