a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
