Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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