"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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