does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
Randomize
