Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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