i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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