i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He passed out mid-signature
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
