I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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