some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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