Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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