Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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