oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize