I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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