Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize