someone owes me an orgasm
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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