Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
