I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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