I think scott just propositioned me for sex
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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