So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
