I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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