she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
