Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
