I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
