There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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