My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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