umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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