we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Found your dick twin last night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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