legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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