His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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