You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize