oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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