i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
