Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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