My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
