I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
