neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think your dad took our porno
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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