Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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