Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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