he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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