There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
