We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize