hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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