i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
