In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
