Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
