he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
