This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
