Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
