So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
