he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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