Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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