My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
NoShamevember. You game?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
