dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
