My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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