The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
