hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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