did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
