just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
