For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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