So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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