apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
