SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
