Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
