after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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