M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
