she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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