my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This baby is an asshole
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I came so hard my ears popped.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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