ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize